Gaspar Gonzales:


Gaspar Gonzales


Full Name: Gaspar Gonzales

Date of Birth: 11/06/1950

Height: 5’3"

Occupation: Criminal Scum

Alignment: Neutral Evil

Next Of Kin: Gazpacho Gonzales (Mother)

Known Associates: Scorpion Fandango, Liu Ping Man-Hash (Crippled Ninja Gang), Captain Barnacle Bowel Buckler (Pirate Gang), Susie Stirrup, Marty McFeathers,

Distinguishing Features: Wax Curled Moustache, Tense Angular Jaw, Lightning Quick Limbs, Robotic Movement, Beady Eyes

Hobbies: Chicken Kicking, Cat Kicking, Dog Kicking, Hog Kicking, Knife Throwing, Drag Racing, Therapeutic Massage, Gym, Crochet

Favourite Food: Grilled Lobster, Tequila

Basic Bio:


Gaspar Gonzales is one Scorpion Fandango's top Lieutenant's.

He is a deranged, borderline-psychotic, who's penchant for knives and violence makes him a worthy addition to Patriot City's criminal ranks.


Back Story:

When Scorpion Fandango was imprisoned for 'life times five' in the climatic 'Liberty Song' episode of Season 3, it was obvious that this was not the last we would hear of him.

Walled up, deep inside Patriot Prison, Fandango needed eyes and ears out on the streets of his 'Empire' - one of these agents was Gaspar Gonzales, a moustached thug from Mexico.

Gonzales is perhaps the most memorable of Fandango's street thugs as he appeared in more episodes than any of his counterparts and was a comical favourite among fans.

It is unclear where Gaspar Gonzales originally began in the varied and murky world of Patriot City, but he has often masqueraded as street vendors - selling ice creams, balloons or even personal grooming items, as he did when he tried to capture Burn in 'Malone's Bad Hair Day' (Season 4).

Wherever he is found, he is usually doing the dirty work of Scorpion Fandango and preparing for the day his master will return to the streets.

Gaspar is usually backed up by a gang of misfits, hired thugs from the ranks of Patriot City's underworld.

In 'The Devil Wears Beige' some renegades from the Crippled Ninja gang came to his aid, assisting in the famous Jefferson Jo Jo Depot Fight Sequence.

Gonzales was played by the German stage actor Houmous Falafel, whose odd physical gestures and quirky delivery earned him a reputation among fans as the most unlikely of all of Patriot City's Criminal fraternity.

Despite being proficient at several Martial Arts disciplines and attempting to display them at every opportunity Houmous Falafel was considered unintimidating as a henchman.

This coupled with allegations of substance abuse led to his contract ending, and finally in Season 7 Burn threw Gonzales under the wheels of a haulage truck in 'Showdown on Highway 48!' shouting his famous one-liner of:

"What's the CRUSH?"

Harry Edwards

Gaspar Gonzales is played by Harry Edward